Kwishta

I think

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:33:34 GMT

I may be surrendering livejournal.

Eh, I don't know. I'm never on it and I have no friends o.o; hahaha.

as an update! I was home today. doing nothing. I think food poisoning slightly from dinner yesterday. blech.

Lizzy and I are creating an epiccccccc KH musical. And I believe I'm joining her and Katie on making an Anastasia musical.

I'm excited. HEH. x

eh, other than that. Nothing important. My life is confusing, and icky atm. I'm not failing school yet though, so that's a plus!

Off I go.

So fucked up

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 16:25:11 GMT

I'm getting that way again where I just wanna leave and restart everything. Why do I get this way every fucking year?

Whenever things get bad I just decide I want to get up and leave. I think my life sucks the way it is and if I go somewhere else I can change it. But really, I'm still gonna be the same person I was here, and the same things are going to happen to me there as what happened here. Moreorless.

I'm falling into another fabulous rut. I hate when things aren't in my control. When the only option is a cruel ultimatum I don't want to say. It's pathetic but I have to much clouded into my mind I've been saying things nonstop on twitter, in notebooks, in rants to people, in tears. I hate it. I don't know what to do.

And that's really just it.

I don't know what to do.

I miss my friends. I miss my boy friend- if I can even call him that anymore. I even miss my family. Hardly get to see them anymore either. Winter's coming, I can feel it already that fall is going to go by faster than it usually does for me. I can't stand it. Ugh, why must I be this way. There's no way to fix it.

dammit I'm fucked up.

Hsugjdfkl.

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 02:27:59 GMT

Urgh. Not a good mood. Ranting.

Education is fucked up.

We have summer reading over the summer of course. For honors english. The essential question states that we must explain the satire in each novel. Now, being the smart person I am, I have no idea what satire is. So, using my resources, I result to checking out dictionary.com:

Satire: the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

So I'm thinking, "Oh! So I state irony within each peice! That's easy."

LATERON. People are having troubles with this whole satire nonsense so I decide to go back and look at it again. TURNS OUT IT'S TOTALLY NOT THAT.

(for people who actually know what the fuck satire is without looking it up, I CONGRATULATE YOU)

Turns out satire is some weird form of making fun of PEOPLE or a certain GROUP of people, filled with condradictions!

HOOFUCKINGRAH.

So now I'm changing all my answers to ideas the web gives me.

Is the plagerizing? Let's think. Take a trip down yellow brick road with our thinking hats on.

I'm screwed at this moment. They gave me this assignment OVER THE SUMMER with no guide into what this question meant. Several people had the wrong idea about this question and unless you were some kind of literary genius or learned this in a past year (which I did not) you had no way of knowing what it could possibly mean, you. are. screwed.

Aren't sparknotes basically the ANSWERS you're going to find out ANYWAY in the book if you UNDERSTAND WHAT THE QUESTION MEANS ALREADY?! No no, not even sparknotes! Just help from people on the internet!

Is there a difference between, asking your best friend for an answer and asking Yahoo answers for an answer? Apparently so.

And so, if I HAPPEN to write something LIKE THE INTERNET SAYS even though I used my OWN MIND TO THINK OF IT, could you STILL accuse me of cheating? What am I cheating on?!

Do you EXPECT ME to get it wrong?

OH would you look at that. I think I just created a form of satire in sparta's fucked up educational system.

Society is CORRUPT.

Thank you and goodnight.

boredom! Soak La Hue Episode

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 02:34:50 GMT

[[Tyler and Krista sit at the kitchen table with a tall tower of pancakes sitting in front of both of them.]

Krista: [looks toward tyler] Ready…

Tyler: [looks toward Krista] Set

;Both: GO! [both dig into pancakes, devouring them as fast as humanly-wait, we’re talking about Tyler here..UNHUMANLY possible]

Krista: [shoves last pancake down throat, pleasingly] DONE!

Tyler: [whines with his cheeks puffed out from food] aww. [still has a pancake left on plate] NOT FAIR. SOMETHING KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT. MY STOMACH WAS NOT WELL-RESTED.

Krista: What, a monster? [says jokingly, laughs]

Tyler: [looks scared] I don’t know what it was! All I know, is that it was coming from down the hall…It sounded like a GHOST!

Krista: Oh come on, Tyler. There are no such things as ghosts.

Tyler: YEAH HUH!

Krista: NUH UH!

Tyler: YEAH HUH

Krista: FOR THE LAST TIME-

[suddenly the two hear a loud noise, referencing to a sneeze but much scarier. More like a ACHRUHHGGHMAHHH!!!!!! And the lights go out] [both sit in the dark, just staring forward with giant eyes]

Krista: [says calmly] I apologize Tyler.

Tyler: [calmly] You are forgiven.

Tyler and Krista: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[during mid-scream the lights flash back on] [the two stop and look at each other]

[view changes to Erik walking through the door from the hallway into the kitchen. He looks ill and his hair is a bit all over the place as if he had just gotten electrocuted.]

Erik: [groans] I was working on a new invention [sniffles] and accidentally sneezed all over it. I guess it caused a power surge. Sorry guys. [sneezes again and fixes hair with hand]

Tyler: so YOU were the one making those noises last night!

Krista: You seem really sick, Erik.

Erik: [gets all defensive] NO I’M NOT. I CAN’T BE SICK. THE SCIENCE FAIR IS TONIGHT. [shows calendar that today is his Science Fair and is circled in red] I’M FINE [ends his rage of screaming at Krista, as she stares at him blankly] Ahem. [calms]

Krista: [cough] sick.

Erik: SHADDUP! [sits down at table with group]

[Laura prances into room all happy, and lands next to Erik, staring down at him with big eyes]

Laura: Erik! Don’t you look lovely today! [shows Erik looking quite disgusting in fact] um. [ a bit creeped out] Anyway, I was wondering…couldIborrowyourcreditcard?

Erik: [receiving a cup of coffee from Krista] Why do you want my credit card today, Laura.

Laura: Well, see, there’s this THING. Where you can by a, uh…THING. And it’ll help save..other…THINGS…

Erik: I’m not following.

Laura: [sigh] I WANT TO BUY AN ALLIGATOR.

Tyler and Krista: [start laughing] YEAH RIGHT.

Erik: K, sure.

Tyler and Krista: [stop laughing, stare/frozen]

Laura: REALLY?!

Erik: Yeah, but I’ll come with you.

Laura: OKAY! [sprints away to get ready][Erik also leaves the room and Krista and Tyler still look confused and shocked and frozen]

[door slams behind the two of them]

Dillon: GUYS! [runs up to Ty and Kris] GUYS GUESS WHAT! [talks to them even though they’re standing still] I HAVE A SURPRISE! I’M PLAYING THE LEAD ROLE TO MY THEATRE GROUP’S MUSICAL PRODUCTION. AND I’M INVITING YOU ALL TO COME TONIGHT! [is extremely happy, and ignores their lack of response] IT IS CALLED, [Dramatic pose to announce title of production] “THE PORCUPINE’S FREEDOM”.

Krista: [snaps out of it] Porcupine?! [loving eyes]

Dillon: Well, it’s all very metaphorical but-

Krista: WILL THERE BE PORCUPINES THERE?!

Dillon: I don’t believe they’ll have-

Krista: GIVE ME THAT! [grabs script from dillon’s hand] [two walk out of kitchen chatting about Dillon’s new lead]

[Scene ends with Tyler still frozen, snaps out of it. Looks down, and eats pancake still left on his plate]

[New scene to Erik and Laura shopping together at LOTS O’ EVERYTHIN’ (basically like an amazing costco)]

Erik: Where exactly are the Aligators? [looking around]

Laura: Hm. [looks up to a sign that looks like an arrow pointing, saying ALLIGATORS!] THIS WAY! [pulls Erik off]

[The end up by a caged in area filled with alligators] [Laura looks nervous like Erik won’t get one, seeing he hates buying her pointless things] [A man that works there comes over to them]

Worker: Can I help you?

Erik: How much?

Laura: [in SCORE!!! Position]

Erik: [sniffles]

Laura: You know, Erik…[looks menacingly] There are a few other things we might need in the house…

Erik: Lead the way [says monotone]

[End Scene]

[Scene : Tyler, Dillon, and Krista are all sitting in Giant TV room watching “When Caribou Attack! 2”] [all is silent until a beeping noise from a dump truck in the driveway] [the group jumps up to the window after exchanging glances and see Laura leading in the dump truck and Erik sneezing off to the side]

Dillon: Oh my GOD.

Krista: I know, Erik must REALLY be sick. He’d never let Laura get those orange pillows with that blue couch. It’d clash!

[both boys stare at her]

[The group meets in the kitchen]

Tyler: I thought you were getting an alligator?

Laura: Oh, we did. He’s in the garage. [nonchalantly, looking at all her new bags and clothes and things she has on. She’s holding a few shopping bags, whilst Erik has the rest behind her.] Come on Erik, up to my room, now.

Dillon: What did you do to him?! [looks frightened]

Krista: [talks to blob of random stuff that Erik is holding] Erik? You under there?

Erik: [sneezes, making the entire tower shake a bit] I’m okay.

[The two disappear to Laura’s room, Dillon runs to help]

Tyler: Wait a minute. I just thought of something! [light bulb goes off on top of Tyler’s head] AHH WHAT IS IT?!?!

Krista: [astonished] OH MY GOSH TYLER! IT’S AN IDEA! [taps on the light bulb, making it flicker.] [frowns] well, not a very strong one, but a good start!

Tyler: [glares] AS I WAS SAYING; Didn’t Erik say he had his Science Fair tonight?

Krista: Mhm.

Tyler: But didn’t Dillon also say he had his theatre thing tonight as well?

Krista: Point being…?

Tyler: Who gets the car?

Krista: Tyler, Tyler Tyler, [leading him to garage] have you ever seen our garage? It’s FILLED with cars of choice!

Tyler: [mumbles] After that one incident with the raccoon and bad mitten net no one lets me in there.

Krista: We have LOADS of cars to-[opens door to reveal all cars missing, and a very fat alligator in place.

[view of house shown, Krista screaming]

Krista: WE HAVE AN ISSUE!

[group is set at kitchen table, discussing what should happen]

Dillon: What are we going to do? My performance is in an hour!

Erik: and my science fair is in an hour! [sneezes]

Krista: [mumbles] still don’t think you should be going-

Erik: [enraged] I AM NOT SICK! [cough]

Tyler: God Laura, did you buy ANYTHING useful today?!

Laura: [begins to open mouth]

Tyler: meaning useful to US.

Laura: [closes mouth and thinks] WELL…[snaps her fingers]

[group is shown in Laura’s bedroom filled with stuff. She points to an item toward the back with direct spotlight hit on it]

Laura: IT’S A FIVE SEATED BIKE!

Dillon: Well that covers ONE trip. What ELSE can we drive?

Laura: Hmmm…

[scene flashes to garage] [Erik, Tyler, Dillon, and Krista stare]

Krista: No way am I going on that thing.

[shows Laura, who has hooked up the alligator like a horse]

Laura: Aw guys, he’s sweet, REALLY! Aren’t you, Aaron?

Tyler: Aaron?

Laura: YES, AARON.

Dillon: K, Erik. Rock-paper-scissors. Whoever loses gets to ride…Aaron.

Erik: [sniffles] IT’S ON.

[dramatic comedic episode of rock paper scissors.]

Both boys: ROCK. PAPER. SCISSORS! [Erik’s hand his shown, rock. Dillon’s hand is shown. Paper.]

Dillon: YES! [rejoices]

Erik: Ugh [pissed off]

[Time lapse until after the show and after Erik’s science fair. Dillon, Laura, Krista, and Tyler are back first, in the garage. Tyler is collapsed on the floor, in pain. Whilst the others lean on the bike panting]

Dillon: Who knew there were so many hills in this town!

Tyler: Where do we live again?

Laura: SOMEONE NEEDS TO CARRY ME UP THE STAIRS.

Krista: I’d rather just…sleep..here…[doses off on bike seat]

Erik: Hello, everyone! [Erik comes riding in on Aaron the Alligator] how are you all?!

[all groan]

Erik: Well that’s a shame. I’m wonderful, thank you for asking! [steps off of Alligator and pats him on back]

Tyler: [picks head up from ground] Hey, you’re not sick anymore.

Erik: That I’m not! Turns out the skin of this Alligator really helped me recover. I was feeling better before I even got to the fair! And now I feel even better! [pulls out invention with first prize trophy out of Aarons mouth]

Laura: Hooray for you! [claps for Erik] I knew you were a genius! I knew it!

Erik: you won’t be clapping when I tell you how you’re going to pay for all the things you made me buy you. [smiles angelically]

Laura: [groans] crap.

Erik: Who wants icecream?! [entire group but Krista and Tyler leave to get icecream with Erik in the kitchen. Krista is still passed out on the bike seat, and Tyler is still on the floor. They have fallen asleep]

[Erik sneezes from other room] [both wake up]

Krista and Tyler: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[END]

I think I'm getting the hang of this again

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 02:06:32 GMT

Not really sure what got me to talk so much in this again.

Maybe because no one else does, and it's quite annoying. So I thought I'd listen to myself rant.

I don't have much to say, only that today was a pretty awesome day. I hope tomorrow is better though, I can't begin to imagine how awesome it's going to be to go to the fair with three of the greatest people I know. =]

As I said before, Erik decided to show up at my house. He didn't tell me he was actually coming until I ran outside to the mailbox, stopping, and realizing his mother's car was sitting in the drive way. I was like.

*running to mailbox, sudden stop* "OH. HI...I'm gonna, ya know..go to the mailbox..er..yeah..." *walks away*

I made him watch Psych :)

Psych definition: most amazing show on TBS EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Yes, that is right. Better than anything else. I wish I could watch those now.

Oh yeah! I remember why I wrote this. I'm procrastinating a half an hour of reading huckleberry-kill-me. =D thirty more pages. Already read fourty today. At this rate I should be done by Friday. Wish me luck. If I ever continue that is... it's a terrible job having to force myself to read twice a day. But it makes me feel as if I'm maturing as I can push myself to accomplish these things. Hopefully homework this year will be the same. (HA yeah right.)

so I just hit the 'detect' button for the locations. and it says I'm in pennsylvania...okay. Haha.

tata!!

How am I doing?

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:28:54 GMT

This was my list from before summer started of things I needed to accomplish. Let's see how much more I have to do within the last month?

1. get a job with Dillon
well that never happened.
~~2. See lots of movies~~
~~3. hang with the only two people who are going to be her for the summer; Tyler and Dillon.~~
4. attempt not to miss the people going too much, or else I might explode
yeah...that failed. hahah.
5. learn how to skateboard once and for all
*cries*
6. write a script and record people preforming it
~~7. find more children I can actually tolerate~~
yes I did! be proud of me.
8. figure out how to describe 'love' in one word OTHER than stupid
~~9. get a new cellphone~~
hello iPhone!
~~10. write more songs~~
11. build more confidence
12. go to concerts
~~13. take lots of pictures~~
that's a given.
14. sleep outside
I should really do that.
~~15. be happy~~
~~16. Embrace my awesomeness (hahah, watching Another Cinderella Story atm)~~
~~17. push on with my photography carreer~~
18. learn how to dance
~~19. save money~~
20. find myself
who can really find themselves in three months? This one may take awhile.

Not too shabby!

Now I must depart, seeing it's 1:30 and I'm still not dressed and I need to finish cleaning my room because apparently Erik is coming over on short-notice. Isn't he a special one?

Right-o!

TaTaForNow!
PS, Rupert Grint =D

Sheep

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 04:49:39 GMT

I don't even remember the last time I wrote in this.

Maybe I'll start up writing again. It's the last month of summer, though it hurts me to say that I believe it's in order. I've started my summer reading of three books:
- The Great Gatsby [check!]
- The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn [shoot me, on page 66.]
- The Glass Castle [haven't read yet, don't really want to, but heard it's good.]

I'm reading [or read] each book in a week, so I'll have at least some time at the end of summer to like, chill. But still, Summer reading depresses and angers me. I think it's pointless. And I don't understand why they make you read such boring and uneventful books. I mean, I don't mind READING in summer, but do they have to tell us WHAT TO READ? Sigh, but what's the use of complaining? No one is ever gonna do anything about it. Why bother.

I think I'm having some sort of angst. Thinking that no matter how much I 'd want to change something, no one else around me would take that step up. No one has the balls to get out there and change something they feel is wrong. Hell, if anyone ever wanted to, I'd be right there next to them. I just wish my friends were more like me in that way.

Today-or I guess yesterday, I went to Lizzy's house! It was exciting. We played video games and got pissed off at them, then played piano and guitar, and watched this thingy called Dead Fantasy or something which was pretty sweet, and then ate mounds of popcorn whilst drawing and watching a Scooby Doo marathon. I had fun =D

The day before, I hung out with Tyler during the day at Panera,..he attempted to paint my nails. That was a disaster. Jeez Tyler, he has to learn not to put so much! hahaha. Then once I was driven home by him, I ended up hanging with Emma and Megan and we found a key stuck to the road, and annoyed neighbors, and made random jokes abuot third boobs and dogs eating your face. It was loads of fun. Espcially when Emma got hyper off of all the caramell. Now THAT was amusing. XD

So lately, I've been thinking about the future, and oddly enough, not freaking! I'm kinda getting the feeling that I wanna get out there. I wanna have a life outside of the bubble they call Sparta, and make people see me for what I am. I mean, I still have my anxieties and fears of that, but right now I feel like they don't matter. I don't know, sometimes I get these highs and they stay for awhile before they crash. I'm sure this will be gone by the time school starts. However, I think my only actual fear at the moment about the future is losing the people I love around me. Especially Erik for some reason. It's a tough subject to think about I guess.

I've begun drawing more. I really don't think I can draw, but these cartoon characters I've made aren't really half bad. I'm taking pictures more now, as well. I want to start this new thing called "Playtography", which is basically where I'd take lyrics from a song and make a visual picture out of it.

i.e "You can stand under my umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh" (XD) Imagine photo of person under umbrella with other person.
Hm, I might actually use that idea...hahaha.

Well, anyway, if you read this and have any lyrics that you think would be good for this, feel free to comment or whatever. I'd appreciate it.

Sometimes I wish I had a model-like sister who would let me take pictures of her whenever I needed to. That would make practicing for my dream of being part of a modeling agency at some point in my life much easier.

I think I have too many dreams. But how are you supposed to narrow down what you want in this world? So many people have issues just finding one thing they want to do for the rest of their lives. How come I have a problem picking out just one thing out of the three million I would like to do?

Oh so complicated. Well, I guess that's it. Maybe I'll try going to bed...or read more of Huckleberry FAIL.

oh yeah, I'm going to the fair this Tuesday, that should be exciting. I'm taking Erik and Tyler with me and meeting up with Laura. It should be a blast =D (as long as everyone can go, *glares at Erik's parents until they get so freaked they just give Erik to us* fwahahaha!)

PS. I have no idea why this is called sheep.

RANDOM FACT ABOUT ME #5: long car rides SUCK

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 01:45:58 GMT

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=WJZVRPZM

This is for myna5194

I'm so tired. I'm on the phone with Heather at the moment. She's reading me songs and stories, etc. I'm back from Myrtle Beach. We went for a twelve hours + drive home from SC. Tyler and I went into vegetable mode.

I'm writing a novel. It's 54 pages already. : D

I'm tired. Laura came back from England yesterday! (((((:

ahhh passing out.

Transformers kick ass

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:02:33 GMT

Transformers was awesome. Megan fox was hot. Shia was hot.
Optimis prime is my hero and future husband (sorry Erik). I saw it with tyler! I haven't seen Tyler in so long it was good to
Hang out with him again.
Noelle and alex were there too which was a surprise. A good one nontheless.

I've just realized I haven't posted anything really since summer started. Maybe I should tell you that I'm actually typing this on my new iPhone! Yes it is quite entertaining. I love it. He is white and has 32 gigs and his name is Landon.

Summer has been pretty good so far. Mary had come up for the weekend. Sunday through today. The only downfall Of my summer is:
1. Laura's gone
2. Eriks's gone
3. Michael jacksons death had to postponed my and Dillon's fray concert experience

Yes so I should have a good rest of the Summer. Hopefully I will find more friends though. I haven really hung with much of a variety lately. Hmmm

K I guess thats it fir now. Ttfn!

Ps this is my portrait if the idiot girl from secret life (: that show makes me laugh

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Dillon mounted Fabio. (Hahahahaha)

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 03:16:53 GMT

So this morning I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating at me, and two TVs going off at once. I tried to decipher the sounds to the rooms in my sleep, before my mother screamed that the Jonas Brothers were going to be on Good Morning America or something. So, I groggily got out of bed, after checking the annoyance they call text messages, and went straight to my parents' room. I now found that the louder television noise came from the living room, where my deaf-like Dad decided to blast the news!

Then about ten minutes later I get a text from Dillon, saying he's on his way. I'm still laying in bed, half a sleep, in need of a shower and other toiletries, and he's already on the road to my house.

I shower and such and Dillon's magically there! Petting my dog. XD We eventually get going to my grandma's in the NEW DODGE NITRO!! but before, we pick up my mom's car from the car-worker-place. After weird car troubles and Dillon and I searching through a booklet on the lift gear door thingy, we continued our journey to Mahwah! =D

At Grandma's I gave him a tour. It was exciting, obviously. Haha.

We went to Kinchley's for lunch. SUPER AWESOME PIZZA. Some lady accused my mother of having "two wonderful children" (Dillon and I look so much alike).

When we went back to Grandma's my mom watched the soap with her, while Dillon and I played the Sims before it crashed. Then I showed him pictures and stuff. It was so exciting. I hope I didn't bore him. Hahaha.

When we got home we played the sims without it crashing! Dillon screwed up the soak la hue house by making everyone cheat on each other and killing my fish Fabio.

Every time Dillon would click on it to "scoop out Fabio" I'd freak out and fight him for the mouse to ex it out before the sim got to him! But then I failed. And Fabio was horribly mounted.

Alas, I must leave now to dream land so I can *cringe* wake up at 6...Amazing.
My dad and I are doing a 5 K run/walkathon in Ogdensburg. shall be intense.

Bye (:

RANDOM FACT ABOUT ME #4: I wonder often what would happen if I died.

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 00:11:47 GMT

I'm going into this slump, all because of stupid finals. I can't wait until summer, yet at the same time I'm afraid it's going to suck.

I need super powers to see into the future and freeze time and stuff. I keep telling myself, "Just make it through two more days, just two more days." but, I still don't want to wake up in the morning. I still don't want to talk to anyone. I still don't feel like living, like everyone must do to survive. It's terirble.

The only thing keeping me happy at this very moment is the thunder outside my window, and my icon. XD It makes me giggle.
My new favorite thing to do is walk Bahma around the block, and look at people's houses while making up stories, wondering what it's like to live there and be them. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather be them than me.

bugs have decided to eat my body. I swear they are spider bites. Isn't that lovely? I keep finding little red bumps on me, and i'm like "look, another arachnid scar!" because I'm just that cool.

sighh

Oh! Beauty and the Beast is my new obsessive Disney movie. Last year around this time it was Aladdin, and I made Erik watch it with me like four times in consecutive hang-out-days at my house. =D So guess what Erik's watching with me this Thursday?! I love torturing him 8D

asdfghjkl; off to go study I guess. gonna fail math tomorrow. like. FAIL. meh. bye!

RANDOM FACT ABOUT ME #4: I hate being alone

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 14:35:32 GMT

I'm so sick of empty apologies.

If you're going to say sorry, at least mean it. It doesn't even have to be completely sincere.
It's exhausting.

Ugh, this weekend is sucking. I did absolutely nothing, and so far the only excitement in my day today is printing out pictures of past, more eventful weekends. Joyous.

I was supposed to have people over today. Too bad my parents didn't inform me that they have work and gigs, even though I told them I had these plans set up for three weeks now. Whatever. Fuck planning things.

I'm pissed and frustrated and mad and ugh.

Suckssss,

I miss you.

RANDOM FACT ABOUT ME #3: Air conditioning makes me tired

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 21:24:12 GMT

I've realize there are apples all over my kitchen. And now the entirety of the word 'apple' will forever remind me of cobaltink , and her strange obsession with apple symbolism. XD

My parents and I went out today after my science final to get a new car. It had to be the most arbitrary decision I have ever experienced from my two lovely adult units. Apparently, we got it because we need a better ride to go down to South Carolina this July. Which makes me happy, being that Tyler and I won't be scrunched up in the back of my mother's tiny Camry for twelve hours.

Sitting in that car dealership for like an hour made me oober tired though. I swear it's from the blasting air conditioner. I'm not used to it seeing in our lovely house, we have FANS. And a pool. And a freezer, but it's kind of hard to fit in there. XD

Band finals were yesterday! Aced it. Science finals were today! B-aced it? As always, I get Bs on everything in that class so I wouldn't be surprised. Ha ha.

blahh, I want to do something today/tonight. But everyone stopped texting me, and no one is online and even Noelle is away at Hershey from her Washington trip! ): My whole Friday is another doozy. Sigh.

RANDOM FACT ABOUT ME #2: compliments

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 19:43:49 GMT

RANDOM FACT ABOUT ME #2: When I'm by people I'm not particularly friends with, I always end up complimenting them on their clothing, hair, jewelry, etc. I actually search for something to compliment them on, just as a good gesture.

- - -

Today went fast. THANK GOD. Only bad thing that happened today was probably failing another math test...joy. I need to do well on the final, ugh I don't even wanna think about that. I'm freaking out about finals right now, the only ones I feel a bit more confident on is science and possibly music theory. (not even) Everything else can just go die.

My weekend is going as follows; eat, sleep, movies, music, recording studio, Erik(SURPRISE!), nothing, more sleep, more food, guitar, computer, more sleep.

Exciting, eh?

I still don't feel like doing anything, but Erik apparently needs to talk to me, so I'll make a little room for him. Gosh I feel so frozen right now. Never come home from school soaking wet, then sit in your cold basement with an Italian Ice.

I wonder why they call it an Italian Ice...let's ask the internet!
Italian ice cream parlors (Eisdielen) have been popular in Germany since the 1920s, when many Italians immigrated and set up business. As in Italy itself, ice cream is considered a traditional dessert and the ice cream at an Eisdiele is still mostly hand-made.
- why thank you Wikipedia.
So Ice cream is consider traditional...and they decided to just set up random Italian shops around Germany...isn't that just peachy.

Wow, it's cold. See if I was smart, I'd go upstairs, but I'm too lazy to and there's no real purpose other than the coldness. My parents are out at "Home Shito" as my mother calls it (home depot) for some reason I'm unaware of. They should be home soon though. Eh, whatever, I'll move someday.

My stomach hurts, it's hurt all afternoon. I really hope nothing is wrong with it...again. (Oh sorry Krista, you need to get another part of your insides surgically removed from your body again.) Bleck, THAT would not be fun.

The hospital wasn't even that bad. It was just the thought of helplessness and boredom that bothered me. AND the fact I couldn't shower. THAT bothered me a lot.

Oh look! Parents are home! I think this is where I sign off. ttfn, yo.

RANDOM FACT ABOUT ME #1: Red Light Dancing

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 02:03:57 GMT

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel today.

It was an okay day. I mean, I can't believe how slooooooow this week has gone. Thank god tomorrow is Friday. I haven't even thought about what I'm doing this weekend. Possibly going to NYC with Laura or something? I don't even know if I can go. [brr it's cold in my basement, sorry random thought] But really, other than that I have like no plans, and I don't even feel like making any. I just feel so out of it. It's odd.

I wrote a new song yesterday. It hasn't been recorded or modified or anything yet, it's just fun for me to mess around with at the moment. I think I'm getting better at playing in front of people. Maybe I'm actually getting over this fear-of-everything stuff! hahaha.

Blah, I miss people. I think they should just all live in my closet, and pop out whenever I feel lonely. I'm mostly just writing this because no one is answering me on AIM and it's cold and I'm bored. I don't really know how it's cold is effecting my writing, but I guess it is.

For once, I only have two things for homework!
- Read Speak [but no quiz tomorrow, therefore Krista doesn't have to take notes!!!]
- Music theory [which confuses me, but I guess I'll be okay with it.]

I hope tomorrow is easy, nothing too hard or too stressful. I don't think I can deal with anymore stress. The weekends are my sanctuary (even if I'm not doing anything in particular). Sigh, please let tomorrow go fast.

I think I'm going through friend withdrawals during school again, like I did in the beginning of the year. I'd never see anyone and I'd go CRAZY because they were like, my summer, my life, etc. And again I'm getting that way, even though I do see them. But this morning, I was standing by Tyler's locker with Ty and Erik and the bell rang and I'm like "AH NO DON'T GO." *clings dramatically to both* [well, not actually but I felt the need to chain them to the lockers to keep them there with me] but we dispersed eventually, and I was sad. ):

Lahdeedah, k so I've decided everytime I post an entry there is going to be a random fact about me!

RANDOM FACT ABOUT ME #1: I dance in the car at red lights in hopes that someone whose having a bad day sees me and I cheer them up.

(:

omfglmaoidkmybffjill

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 22:39:27 GMT

Now they’ll walk on my arm through the distant night
And I won’t let them stray from my heart
Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light
I will read all their dreams to the stars

I'm glad I have friends. That sounds like a silly thing to say, but I guess it's not. I have a really great group of them, if not more than that. They make me feel like I'm wanted. And isn't that what everyone wants?

Doesn't everyone just want to be loved?

Maybe it's just me, but doesn't it seem like we work too hard for the people we don't need? Maybe we're just convinced we need them in our life because people force us to think that way. I don't think it's worth it if the person isn't making you happy. If they make you feel more hated than loved.

I don't even know what I'm rambling about. Don't mind me. I'm just happy of who I have. And I think people should stop being jealous and think I love one person more than them, xD AHEM. (:<3

- - -

So the Jeker household just went from calm and content to a screaming match in .5 seconds, all thanks to me.

[Mother folding clothes in livingroom. Krista sitting on couch on computer]
Krista: [content tone, satisfied, alright] So, Mrs. Shatzel told me today that even if I didn't take the exam or did anymore make up work, I'd still pass the course-

Mother: [folds last shirt and stares at Krista, whilst cutting her off] Yeah but I don't want you passing with a D.
[Krista's face freezes, staring at her mother. Atychiphobia(fear of failing) comes back into Krista's heart]

-insert screaming match about how me being out of school for two weeks was all my fault and how I should have been better at math-

Thank you family.

I'm glad I have friends.

I AM ANGRY

Sat, 30 May 2009 15:10:12 GMT

I can never find a good livejournal layout! >:O

ahah, omg kangaroos! There were just kangaroos on the TV. I was entertained for but a moment until they hopped away D:
Well this is a little random...
I was going to say something else..

OH MY GOD THEY ARE SHOOTING THE KANGAROOS. AND THE GUY IS LETTING THEM. FJKSDF.
NOW I'M ANGRIFIEDER! (new word, love it)

oh well, leaving to go save the kangaroos!

Happiness is just outside my window

Sat, 30 May 2009 14:16:35 GMT

So, Lizzy complained to me yesterday that all of my entries are too depressing, and that I should stop being so emo. =P
So I will try my damnednest JUST FOR YOU.

Anyway, yesterday was an interesting day. It started out with my having a breakdown BUT NOT A USUAL ONE, just a weird frustration/anxiety thingy. I don't even know. (I really have to stop doing that)
'
Then it went into this whirlwind of excitement and hyperness and band final preps and strange people telling me to get on the floor and several other interesting experiences!

Then I went to the movies/panera with a bunch of amazing people. It was awesome. I had so much fun. Hahaha we went to the boardwalk after and people started running down the wet boardwalk and I was pretty much playing the motherly roll like "DON'T RUN YOU WILL SLIP!"

Yes, anyway. It was a blast. and today is Spahtah Day! as I like to spell it. Which I should really talk to layla about. 'Tis fun and exciting and I'm ready to go right now! wooohoooo!

p.s people need to make sure to send me pictures
P.P.S everyone must be jealous of my icon. XDD

I'm good at complaining

Wed, 27 May 2009 16:12:33 GMT

I wish I could have happy entries like my other friends. It's kind of annoying how I only go on this if I have something depressing to say, but I guess it works for my venting, since I'm afraid to talk to anyone anymore.

I did something stupid last night, because I was scared and angry at myself. I just wanted to make myself stop crying, so what does an angry, tired parent do to their little kid when he won't stop crying? You get the idea. If you don't, I'm sorry, I guess it's better if you don't know. Ha.

I'd broken a promise last night, to people who are now going to kill me if they find out about this. I guess I deserve it. I regretted it the second it happened. And what bothers me the most is that I still cried. So it didn't help at all. Now I just have to live with it.

I'm just upset constantly, I can't help it. I pretend to be happy, and at times I am actually happy, but it all just fades away after only a little while. I find all the bad about this year and dwell on it because nothing good happened worth remembering. Nothing that won't hurt. I just want to be actually happy. I want school to be over. But then when school is over, everyone is going to leave. And I will be alone. I don't like being alone. What happened last night had to do with me being alone.

I'm still scared, and it's really bothering me.

Summer

Mon, 25 May 2009 02:00:27 GMT

Summer needs to come faster. Let's make a list of things to do this summer.

1. get a job with Dillon
2. See lots of movies
3. hang with the only two people who are going to be her for the summer; Tyler and Dillon.
4. attempt not to miss the people going too much, or else I might explode
5. learn how to skateboard once and for all
6. write a script and record people preforming it
7. find more children I can actually tolerate
8. figure out how to describe 'love' in one word OTHER than stupid
9. get a new cellphone
10. write more songs
11. build more confidence
12. go to concerts
13. take lots of pictures
14. sleep outside
15. be happy
16. Embrace my awesomeness (hahah, watching Another Cinderella Story atm)
17. push on with my photography carreer
18. learn how to dance
19. save money
20. find myself

All I can think of right now.

I went to Hershey on Friday for a band trip. I had a whole lot of fun with Tyler and Erik. The Erik part was surprising though because we weren't really on any close terms until Friday. But we all had a really good time, I'd think. =D

I went to Rochester, NY over the weekend, for my cousin Paul's wedding. Five hour drive with my parents and my grandmother. SO. PAINFUL. I was delusional by the end of the way up. I couldn't process correctly, and when we went into the hotel room, everyone left and I just stayed there, and SCREAMED while passing out on one of the two hotel beds. It was beautiful.

I have some great shots of the bride and groom (: My dad says I probably took better shots than the photographer XD

flickr.com/sing-to-me

checkitttt.

K, I'm going now.

Huzzah.

Sun, 17 May 2009 19:29:52 GMT

You know, things are just dandy.

What do you do when all you see is bad? It's like red washed over everything and you're scared to turn around.

Ha, I love how many people now read my entries. I've had thoughts of just ending this here and stop typing, but I don't think I will.
I don't mind that you guys know what I'm thinking, or when you know that what I'm saying is about you. Maybe it could be a good thing, especially for some of you who don't listen when I'm speaking to you directly...
I don't mean to hurt you or to think I hate you or anything, it's just a personal matter that I have to deal with myself.

Some of you tell me to get over the things that are bothering me, and if I could, I really would. But some things are deeper than you'd except. Some things hurt me more than they would hurt you, and I just wish you all could open up enough to understand.

I'm not saying my life sucks. And i'm not saying I have it worse than anyone else, because I know plenty of people who have it worse than me. All I'm saying is this is my little piece of the internet I can complain my heart out hoping no one will give a fuck what I'm saying unless it's going to help.

Ha, sorry to all of you I complain to, but tell me when you can't take it anymore, and don't tell me that you wanna hear it when you don't. Because I will rant to you.

But, I can deal with talking to a wall, if that's what you need.

I'm also sorry that I am so exceedingly negative nowadays. And so whiny.
Boohoo, I miss my ex and he just tells me to get over it.
Boohoo, my only comfort blanket, someone I thought I "should" like, can't be there like that. (which I'm over, thank god)
Boohoo, I'm losing friends left and right. Guess that's my fault.
Boohoo, I'm overwhelmed in school seeing I haven't been there in two months due to a surgery that saved my life.

Whatever, I'm trying my DAMN hardest to get over it, but I'm failing quite miserably. I'm sorry you're all so pissed at me for being this way, but I guess, oh well. I can't make you all happy and just forget everything.

I don't regret anything anymore. I used to regret breaking up with Erik, but now I feel that this is how it was supposed to be. It just sucks having things unresolved. and for everything else, if I screw up, oh well that's what I'm programmed to do. I'm only a stupid fifteen year old.

I wish someone other than me would say sorry sometimes.

Wishing is pointless, though. It's all a coincidence. So I guess I'll stop doing that, too. The things that are out of my control will always be out of my control, and I'll have to live with these incomplete circumstances, no matter how much it hurts.

Guess that's what life is, just a bunch of hurt until the top.
Ha, "Life's a climb, but the view is great." just popped into my head from Hannah Montana o.O
Damn this climb is fucking tough.
I really do hope it's worth it though.

vent.

Wed, 13 May 2009 04:53:45 GMT

I hate how much reminds me of you now.
I hate that the only two things I sleep with at night, and keep me happy, are from you.
I hate when you talk about it.
It hurts a lot.
And it shouldn't hurt me, I hate that it hurts me.
I hate thinking I could have possibly loved you.
I hate thinking that I do possibly love you.
I hate missing you constantly.
I hate hearing you say you miss me and that you love me, when I know you don't mean it the way I want you to.
I hate it when you call me amazing.
I miss you so fucking much.
I hate that I told you how I felt and you acted like I told you the weather.
i hate how you laughed at it, like it was some kind of joke.
It wasn't a joke, and I didn't expect you to change your decisions for me, but a little compassion...especially from someone like you? would it be that hard?
I hate being hurt over this.
I hate knowing I'm still in the same hole I've been in for five weeks now.
I hate crying over all of this.

Someone hold me, please. please.

Idk why you would, but Erik, for some reason you read this, that is not about you at all. And I really wish you wouldn't talk about me behind my back, and mock my emotions, and I guess I just wish things could've been different. I hope you're happy. Oh and btw, Dillon really doesn't like me, and I don't believe I'm going out with Tyler any time soon. Sorry to ruin your bet.

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 00:17:32 GMT

If you read this, I'm sorry.

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 22:41:58 GMT

test test test test

Maybe if my heart stops beating it won't hurt this much.

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 15:47:59 GMT

I'm tired of people asking me what's wrong. Just stop caring because I'm never getting over this. Not for awhile I guess.

I love how I still have to talk to you. I still have to see you. I still have to try to figure out what's going on in that mind of yours. I don't do it because I have to, it's because for some reason I need to. Right now I'm desperate to call you, but I'm refraining. I'd have nothing to say and you'd never say anything and I'd end up crying and hanging up. i don't feel like going through that right now.

I hate this.

I hate you for making me like this. For making me make the decisions I did. I hate you for not telling me how you feel. I hate you for making me still love you somehow. I hate you for keeping such a large part of me that I can't function right without it.

I need some stability and Kleenex.